Showing posts from 2019

Women Abuse Too: A Man’s Experience with Family Abuse

Freud’s psychodynamic theory has, in the past, been a popular explanation as to why an individual would go on to develop devious behavior. According to his theory human behavior is rooted in our experience with our parents. A popular derivative of this concept is that men who hit women do so because they have a dysfunctional hatred of their mother and women who hit men have a dysfunctional need that was not fulfilled by their father. In many cases, including the one below, Freud’s theory rings true.
Example B: The Abusive Family
This next man is no stranger to domestic violence. He has countless stories from early childhood through adulthood of how his parents abused each other and how such abuse had an impact on him. The unpacking of these memories was triggered by one memory that popped up early in adulthood: the memory of his uncle sexually abusing him when he was very young. When he asked his mother whether the experience was real, she explained that it was. She was brief in recou…

Women Abuse Too: A Man’s Experience with Abuse

Domestic violence is finally stepping into the spotlight it has always deserved and while I am thrilled about the prospect of empowering women to identify abusive males, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the other half of abusers: the females.
It’s difficult to understand abuse when you look at it solely through the eyes of gender roles. It is hard for some people to understand how a woman, generally portrayed as small and weak, can abuse a man, generally portrayed as large and unmovable. It is extremely important to view each situation not in terms of gender roles, but in terms of a relationship with two people participating. A person’s physical stature cannot determine whether they are capable of abuse because one would be making assumptions about what a person is capable of. Although domestic violence often culminates in physical abuse: there are many other types of abuse happening simultaneously that break down a person’s mental and physical wellbeing (see: gaslighting, fi…

5 Things that Happen After you Leave

I have spent the last 6 years of my life dealing with the aftermath of my abusive marriage. SIX. YEARS.
When people told me to leave my relationship, they would coax me with phrases like, “get away from that monster and you’ll never have to see him again” and “there’s no way he’ll get any visitation rights”. I was completely unaware of how untrue most of these statements were. The road was much longer and darker than even I, a very realist of a person, could imagine. Would I have done things differently had I known? Absolutely. Do I wish I had someone to guide me through the process? YOU BET. Even today I find myself longing for the advice of a friend who truly understands. Unfortunately, my circumstances make me an outlier in the DV statistics, so I must suffice with being my own friend. My hope, though, is to be that guide for the next wave of survivors.
1. First comes the legal battle. This is not applicable to everyone. However, if you have children with your abuser, are married, or …

Evolution of a Monster: According to Ted Bundy

In our current day and age we are overwhelmed with stories about men in power and allegations of sexual assault. The debates fire up because the allegations seem to appear at the most opportunistic of times, such as the case with Brett Kavanaugh and Harvey Weinstein. Our great country has been divided time and time again because people often choose to side with the accused, despite evidence to the contrary.

There is an important history lesson here. The divide that the country faces today is similar to the divide felt decades ago when Ted Bundy stood trial. Despite the overwhelming evidence of his guilt, Bundy had a large group of supporters made up of friends, members of his church congregation and his own family members who did not believe his guilt. They would rally for him until the very end. Valuable lessons can be learned from the Ted Bundy case and applied to current times.

Let's explore further.

Netflix recently released "Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tap…

Sexual Assault in the Suburbs

Women's rights and sexual assault have been trending at higher rates since the #metoo movement fired up for the millionth time in 2017. Except now, with practically the entire planet on social media, more people take notice. Especially when celebrities stand up and speak out about the horrors they endured to get the jobs they have now. I applaud each and every person who has done so. Speaking up still invites ridicule, even in this "modern" age. It's hard. It's tiring. It's expensive.
We all know big cities have crime. We watch enough TV to understand that. When you move to the suburbs, you often do so with your family's safety in mind. The suburbs are a "safe" place to raise a family. Suburbs are ideal in theory: little quaint neighborhoods surrounded by trees with quiet winding streets where the laughter of children can be heard. Everyone goes outside to play. People leave their cars and doors unlocked. Everyone knows everybody and their busine…

My Scars: A Story of Abuse

Warning: This post is descriptive and may trigger emotional responses in people who have experienced or witnessed violence. Please read with caution, or do not read at all.

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