Showing posts from October, 2017

The Pathway to Abuse: A Personal Analysis

When people find out that I lived in an abusive relationship for 8 years they are often shocked. I am educated, I have a good career, I have a nice family, and grew up with an upper middle class income. How could such a person fall into such a devastating lifestyle? Why couldn’t I see what was happening to me and just leave? I never know how to answer that question because there isn’t an easy (or logical) explanation. It is hard to describe to someone who has never been in that situation the feelings of fear, guilt, and doubt that keep you locked in place. It has only been recently that I have been able to look back and make sense of the state that I was in and what was going through my mind. Years later it is coming back piece by piece. I blog as a way of capturing it, in the best way I know how.
The control in the relationship begins very early on. You will often hear people say that it was a “whirlwind romance” and that “things got serious quickly”. This was the case in my situation…

Abuse IS Your Business

The statistics are clear: you know someone who is being abused. You may not be best friends. You may not be family. You may only know them by association. A neighbor. A church member. Your kid’s friend’s parent. The abuse may not be physical. But you do know someone who is in an abusive relationship. And it is your business.
Statistics* 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime (it is possible more men experience violence but under report due to shame or disbelief).
20% of teenage girls who have been in a relationship say a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
An abuse victim is 70 times more likely to die AFTER leaving an abusive situation than during.
Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of female homicide and injury related deaths during pregnancy.
2 in 5 gay or bisexual men and 50% of lesbians will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
Women of domestic violence are 8 times more likely t…

5 Things to Remember after Any Mass Shooting

Monday morning I woke up to the news that history had yet again been made with the mass shooting in Las Vegas on 10/1/17. The feelings that came over me were confusing and familiar. I spent most of the day in contemplative silence, trying to make sense of the many thoughts that were running through my mind. I was trying to figure out what to say in response to the shooting. I wanted to choose my words wisely and not act on impulse as so many others were. I lost a lot of respect for a lot of people that day because of things they said. I was not in any way involved with the shooting in Las Vegas and yet its occurrence changed me and my relationship with others in ways that will last forever. Strange how that happens.
Many of Sunday's victims were still passing away as social media lit up with hate and blame. I knew what was to come. The same things that follow all mass shootings. Calls for "gun control" and "take down the terrorists" and "why didn't loca…